Graysexuality vs. libido

One of the most common misconceptions? Confusing sexual attraction with libido.

Sexual attraction is the desire to be sexually intimate with a specific person. Libido, by contrast, is a general physical urge, often compared to “scratching an itch.” Someone can have a libido without experiencing sexual attraction, or vice versa.

Many graysexual individuals navigate what’s called a mixed or cross orientation – for example, someone might identify as graysexual and also as biromantic, heteroromantic, or aromantic, depending on whom they experience romantic attraction toward.

Relationships and graysexuality

Graysexual people build all kinds of fulfilling romantic and/or platonic relationships. Some partner with others on the ace spectrum, while others are in relationships with allosexual (non-ace) partners.

Francis emphasizes that strong communication is crucial: “Talk about how you both feel, what you like and don’t like, and what you want to do, or not do.”

She recommends seeking out partners who are patient, respectful, and open-minded, particularly when negotiating boundaries around intimacy. For some graysexual individuals, sex simply isn’t a central part of connection. And that’s valid.